Living a Life With no Regrets…

 

I don’t want to pretend I am a man with all of the answers and always feel a bit embarrassed starting any writing, like this article, as it feels presumptuous.   With that said, I know that I get a lot of questions from people of all walks of life, who want to know how I do what I do, and are looking for insights on living a great life in a way that they can feel confident in their choices and not look back with regrets.    I assume the questions come from the visible successes in my life, such as my family, athletics, business, and health.    There are plenty of failures in my life, some that are visible, and some that are not.   Those failures are where regret either comes or it doesn’t.   Regrets rarely show up during success, or at least not be attributed to it.    This is the hardest thing to learn, we all fail, every day, at something, and sometimes we fail many times in a day at many little things.   My best coaching comes from the knowledge I have gained through an above-average number of failures.    For that reason, I am comfortable writing this coaching piece and not feeling like I am acting like a know-it-all all.    This is more about no regrets, than winning.  However, they are one and the same. 

When you get up in the morning (you choose the time, of course), you have only a limited amount of time to spend doing, or not doing things.   Most people might have an hour or two that they consider free time.    The rest of their time is allocated based on previous commitments.   Sleeping, Work, Errands, Eating, Family stuff.    Things that are “important” to you, your dreams, are often put off until you have more time.    There are just too many things that you “have to” do, and not enough time to do the things you want to do. 

A day of delay turns into a week, into a month, a year, a decade, and then a lifetime.   Delay in what?   Delay in deciding what your true priorities in life are, in priority order, and beginning the effort of working towards them in that order is the main source of regret.   

My priorities have remained mostly consistent over the past 30 years, but I learned to understand them better over time.    I can certainly speak to them, and you can see the trends in my life based on them.    They are Kristine, Kids, Athletics, Business in that order.   Within those 4 priorities, I have specific dreams for each, of course, and those dreams/goals change over time.    Business, for example, was first that I wanted to make money kayaking and never have to “go to work”, but still make my mark on the sport.   That was my dream.  I achieved it at Wavesport with a good salary, designing boats, building a team, and selling boats.    I also never had to “go to work”, but worked out of an RV and travelled and competed.    However, when American Capital Strategies purchased Wavesport, the new CEO had different plans for my job that weren’t in the spirit of my dreams.    Here is the kicker, here is the simple, easy, anyone-can-do-it advice.    If you find yourself in a situation that is contrary to your life dreams, and you eventually find that you can’t fix it,  the decision to make a change should be quick.   I left Wavesport when they wouldn’t make the Ace 2.1 (Dane’s kid’s boat).   

There were other reasons, but my freedom to lead the brand was pulled from me and the decision-makers at that time were not going to allow me to enjoy my job or do it well.   My salary wasn’t changing, but the rewards I think are most important, which are to make a difference in the world you are part of, in a good way, was changing.      It was seen as a failure.   Me leaving Wavesport, and not getting a few of my most recent designs in production.   I was jobless, and had to give back the Wavesport RV, the Sponsored Chevy Avalanche, and only had a 1988 Toyota Landcruiser that I bought from David Knight for $10.   However, I had no regrets.   Every day, had I stayed there, I would have been trading my precious time for a salary, but my ability to do anything special in kayaking would be greatly inhibited.    I was lucky at that time to have $30k in the bank.     I would have done it either way, however.  

Decision-making protocol:  The above was an example of a decision made based on priorities.   Breaking it down to Wife, Kids, kayaking, business…

While everyone knows that financial stability is one factor in a good relationship, a bigger factor is being married to somebody with principles and knowing what they are and that they are non-negotiable.    Being a good father or mother also means having principles and showing consistency and decision-making that supports them, versus giving them up for a paycheck or anything else.   

I am saying this because, in the end, decision-making based on principles as they relate to your priorities, is easy low stress, and with no regrets, as long as you know what they are and are willing to deal with the consequences of those decisions. 

A simplified example I like to use  (based on my wife, Kristine as priority 1, and my kids as priority 2) is this:

Kristine, Emily, and I are walking hand in hand and I trip and bring them both down with me by accident,  of course.  Both are hurt and crying.  

Without hesitation, I will turn to Kristine and make sure she is OK, get her up, and then turn to Emily to do the same.   Never the kid first.   Why?  That is my personal priority order.   It is what I recommend for others as well, as your relationship with a significant other is voluntary and requires the utmost attention to maintain long-term, and your child is stuck with you as a parent and can’t learn from you how to have a long-term relationship if don’t make that priority one.   

An exercise I recommend for everyone is to write down your priorities in order and keep it a very broad stroke.   Then write down what it means to succeed in each priority today.   

Kristine- spend one-on-one time with her almost every day, help her achieve her goals, and help her be happy. 

Kids- lead by example with them, and provide opportunities for them to succeed.   Teach them to work, play, and have fun.   Maintain a long-term, respectful relationship.  Let them make their own mistakes. 

Athletics- Be the best kayaker I can be.   Maintain top-level fitness, which means health, lack of injury, strength, and endurance.  

Competing…

Business- support my family through my athletics, while making a difference in the sports I care about (whitewater and fishing).   

Regrets come when you look at that list and realize that much of your day is spent on things that are not on that list.   Immediate relief and a feeling of success come the moment you make any change, no matter how small, that replaces time spent on things that are not important to you with things that are.   It can take years, or a lifetime to focus on that in order to get your “house in order”, but regrets come from not moving towards your priorities, versus having everything perfect.

I lost control and all ownership of Jackson Kayak, which was supposed to be my “retirement plan”.   What I didn’t do, was stay in a situation that violated just about all of my principles and moved me away from my priorities with certainty.    It financially destroyed me, and 4 years later I am still digging hard to get above water.   However, I have no regrets.   That was, perhaps the biggest test of my theory of how to live a life without regret that I have had to face.  

Since then, I started a new brand, and am making a difference in the world of whitewater kayaking (just the tip of the iceberg so far) by making lightweight carbon fiber kayaks available to anyone.   I am in my sweet spot.   The financial challenges of starting over were/are immense.  However, I kept my integrity and principles intact, and my relationship with Kristine and the kids, while still focusing on my athletics (fishing and whitewater).     Of course, you can’t do anything alone- it takes teamwork.   My first and biggest supporter financially was my local bank, Security Federal Savings Bank, and John ONeil from Potomac, MD stepped up as an investor for me in a big way after that.    Since that time, kayakers have helped me in many ways, and investing in product, etc. is how we have managed to grow a start-up into something that is really beginning to take shape.    My manufacturing partner in Nelo out of Portugal is another critical piece of the puzzle as they not only have the passion, experience, and knowledge, but are wonderful people who make the best possible boats for me.   I have had a few key people along the way who have also been there since the beginning, like Bob Blair (main designer of the Tyr),  Mark Nordstrom my design partner for whitewater kayaks, and the Tyr seat, Joe Ball- customer service extraordinaire.   Tom Hehnen started with me from day one and worked for me at Jackson Kayak, and has been a friend to the family for many years.  His son, Tommy, was at Dane’s wedding.   Building a successful team is critical for any business to be able to grow.   I have been blessed with many wonderful people who have rallied around my fledgling brand.   Thank you for that!

Finally- it is the little things- every day- that matter.     

We talked about how we spend a lot of time on things that are not important due to not having your priorities well defined, but procrastination is equally responsible for this issue.    

The easiest thing to use as an example is working out to get into or stay in shape.   Since it is easy for us to look around and compare ourselves to the Norm, which is unfortunately overweight and not fit adults who rarely workout consistently, we can easily get lured into that ourselves.   If being healthy and fit is a priority, that comes from doing your fitness work every day, not some days.   Consistency, priorities.    You have a looming task at work, you work out anyhow.  If you don’t, one day turns into 2, and then a month, a year, etc.. You become the unfit person, who feels regret that you let yourself go and it hangs over your head every day of your life as a failure of sorts.   Of course, you can decide it doesn’t really matter, but then you see the fit person doing things that you can’t do, and you can’t help, but to get that uneasy feeling again.   Regret.    If you are there today, it can go way fast.   Begin working out, dieting, and watch yourself improve in the first week.   That progress is what eliminates that uneasy feeling.    Priorities in your decision-making makes it easy to keep it up.

 

I am going running now.   Paddling later.    Weights tomorrow with my clinic students to show them my specific routine that works for paddlers and preventing shoulder injuries and making me stronger for kayaking.  

🙂

EJ